Here I sit, in front of the ol' computer screen, mere moments after finishing a group tutoring session with two capable and intelligent students, each of whom wrote a rough-but-promising first draft of an essay describing a memorable event in their lives. As I reflect on the session, however, the content of their papers becomes fuzzy; all I can remember is unending self-deprecation.
"Yikes! That was a terrible sentence," one client blurted out in the middle of reading her paper.
"Whoa...this is so badly written. I'm sorry," the other said when reading her draft.
And those aren't the only examples I could give. There were many other times at which both students interrupted their reading, apparently to let me and the other group member know how aware they were that their first drafts were not sterling and polished. It's almost as if simply reading the draft without the commentary would label them not only bad writers, but frighteningly unaware bad writers. The running commentary seemingly passed from one student to the other, as they each seemed too self-conscious to focus on reading their papers. The most common phrase uttered for the hourlong session was, "I'm sorry."
Somewhere between the fifth and tenth apology I got to thinking...self-deprecation is not uncommon among writers at any level. Personally, I couldn't tell you which sin I have committed more: thinking my writing was complete garbage and being wrong, or feeling like I wrote the perfect piece of genius literature and being...not quite right.
Self-doubt--and, occasionally, self-loathing--fits the artistic mold like a glove, and whether you love to write or hate to write, whether you are enrolled in writing-intensive English or are merely writing one 3-4 page essay for a history class, being a college student means adapting to the artistic mold, too. As a result, even students who don't fancy themselves "writers" fall prey to the same self-doubt that plagues those willing to label themselves with such a dubious distinction.
Taking all these thoughts into consideration, I arrived at a very simple conclusion, one cleverly disguised as a question: Why apologize?
If ever there was a unified message of this blog, it is that writing is a process. The road from first draft to final draft may vary in length, but there more than likely will be a road. You cannot expect to bloom precious literary foliage after only one try. The idea is to plant the seeds...or lay the groundwork...or whatever other mixed metaphor you can think of. In time, your ideas will fully bloom.
So give yourself a little credit...and a little time. Your masterpiece is merely in progress.
Now, if only I could have said that to my clients....
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Give Yourself a Little Credit
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2 comments:
I think you're very right about this idea that there's almost a code for student writers (and probably all writers), compelling them to repeatedly apologize for their work. I do it too. Although it seems somewhat unnecessary, excessive, and maybe even annoying at times, maybe it's not such a bad thing if it means that writers who apologize are writers who are aware (of their own mistakes, of common expectations of writing, etc.). In the tutoring scenario, maybe it's a positive indicator.
Perhaps you didn't understand my tone, or perhaps you just disagree with me. These words you use--"unnecessary, excessive, annoying"--don't even come close to describing what I think about repeated apologizing from students or any other writer.
When the students I mentioned in my post apologized for their work, I wasn't annoyed. I wanted to encourage them. That's why I wrote about it--to encourage others. To let them know that drafting is drafting and there is no need to be ashamed (or more likely and more insidiously, to think you should be ashamed) of any piece of writing, however early or unfocused the draft.
Also, you say "maybe it's a positive indicator," but I never said it was a negative indicator. I just said it promotes negative thinking in the writer's head, which does nothing for their strength or confidence as a writer. And even if it was a positive indicator, that doesn't mean I'm going to listen to them apologize and be happy that they feel bad. I am going to encourage them to keep going, and to know that this is merely one stage of a longer process.
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